Making Skin of Dragon
by Marie Mermaids
Summary: She was too young. He was her friend. It was always madness to love him. She knew what it was turning her into. She loved him anyway. Always.
1. Chapter 1 He is home

**Hi everyone! This is my first fanfic. I am very excited! It is based on Witfit prompts. Hope you like it.**

**I don't own Twilight. Or a Beta.**

**Promt: Easier said than done**

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**There is always a cave. And there must always be something lurking inside it. And then there is one very compelling reason to walk right inside. **

Driving to the Cullen house went against every self-preservation principle I had. Signposts saying 'There be dragons' or ' That way, madness lies' would be fitting. Madness. That was exactly what I felt crawling under my skin. I wanted to turn the car around and never think about this. But I was not that Bella now. I would not run. Not ever. Not from him.

The sun had set and as the house appeared like a beacon against darkness. A bitter laugh escaped me. No more light for me now. It was a sad thought. The Cullen house was my second home, my refuge. I had spent more time here than at my own house in the last few years - holed up with Alice, eating Esme's muffins, watching the rain fall. But today, the house felt like something unknown and threatening.

I saw the Volvo parked between Emmet's Jeep and Alice's car. _Edward was finally home_. I coudln't hide from that fact.

I walked to the door. I could do this. I would make my skin thicker and turn my heart to stone. I groaned, resting my head on the door. There was no need to be so dramatic.

Finally I rang the doorbell. Alice opened the door, grabbed my shoulders and checked me, I guess looking for signs of stress, broken heart or insanity. She wouldn't let me self-combust on her watch. I smiled at her. Alice, she always made things better.

"I am fine Alice.. really…. Just crazy thoughts….nothing a little dragon skin won't cure."

Alice raised her eye brows but nodded. Then she scowled and tightened her hold on my hand.

"He brought a girl."

" Oh," I tried to process that.

Alice turned back to make sure we had privacy and then pulled me inside.

" Swan, you can freak out later," she said as she took my coat "But right now you WILL face this with dignity. I will take you to my room in few minutes. Ok…..OK?"

I was afraid she would knock on my head. She would. Woodpecker.

She had an arm around my waist as if I may sway and fall to the ground like a fragile tree in a storm. I smiled. That is probably how she saw me. And that was probably what this was. A storm. It had always been a storm where he was concerned.

I nodded once forcefully. No time like the present. "Let's just do this Alice." There was no delaying it. And he was just a boy I had known two years ago. Just a boy.

We walked into the living room where Esme was sitting with Carlisle both of them happily chatting with Emmet and Rose.

"Bella! Look at you all grown up!" Emmet grabbed me the second he saw me and actually shook me before putting me down. I was overwhelmed with memory.

" Hi Emmet," I squeaked. It was so nice to see him again….. and Rose. She came and gave me a hug.

"Hang on Swan!" She whispered. Alice brought reinforcements. God it was good to see her face. I'd missed every one being together.

"Bella. It's great you could come tonight," Carlisle came and squeezed my shoulder.

Esme beamed and stood next to me holding my hand. They wouldn't say anything but they knew this would be hard for me.

That was how we looked when I heard footsteps on the stairs. Alice and Rose behind me and Esme Carlisle and Emmet right beside me. I groaned inside. Great. Now he thinks I need a battalion with me to just look at his face and say hello.

As the footsteps got close, Esme and Carlisle went to the dining room saying something about final touches to dinner. Rose gave me a pointed look and dragged Emmet with her. For once, Emmet didn't say anything stupid.

Alice did not budge and I was grateful. I did not want to check how I'd do if I had to face him alone.

"Bella" His voice was just as I remembered it.

I turned around, my eyes taking him in as much as I could in the few seconds that I was allowed. There was a tightness in my chest and I tried to breathe without looking like I had run a marathon.

He looked devastatingly beautiful. Green shirt, black pants. Same green eyes and bronze mess. He was taller, his jaw different. His eyes were different too. I expected him to offer a fake smile, blink and move on. But he held my gaze.

I managed a small smile that lasted the long breath I had started to take when I saw his face. A deep sadness gripped me. Seeing him made me remember what we had. His presence, the fact that he had grown, the fact that he had not taken me in his arms, the fact that I did not run to him, all made the memory even more distant and maybe unreal.

"Hi Edward," my voice did not crack. "Welcome home."

"Thanks," He was standing on the last step and did not come down to give me a hug. Behind him was a blond girl who was waiting for him to move.

"Bella, this is Lauren. Lauren this is our friend Bella." It was Alice who made the introduction. Edward barely glanced at Alice but here was a brief look of irritation on his face before he took Lauren's hand and headed towards the kitchen. Lauren and I politely smiled at each other while she passed us.

That was quick. I pressed my lips together and turned to Alice.

"Bella, I have to show you something." Alice dragged me up the stairs and yelled for Rose to come too. We fell on Alice's bed.

"You OK?' Alice asked. "You can get it out of your system here and we'll go have dinner."

I nod, biting my lips to keep from saying something completely idiotic. Like 'why is it never me?'

"Say something Bella!" Rose shook me. I let out an embarrassed sigh. I'd barely spoken. "I am fine" was not much of a communication, even by Bella standards.

"I just want to not feel," I said rubbing my elbows to keep myself calm. "I want to just live though this until he goes back."

Rose and Alice shared a strange look and immediately I was on the edge again.

"What?"

"Nothing Bella. You're right… let's just get though dinner."

Dinner smelled amazing. I sat down and tried to appear normal.

Edward did not look at me the whole night.

**Well, what do you think? **


	2. Chapter 2 Dinner and rain

**A/N: I am so pleased someone actually read the first chapter. Thank you for the reviews and follows. I know Edward is not doing much right now but hang on till next chapter. He would do plenty. Wink**

**Twilight is not mine and I don't have a Beta. Sorry for the mistakes.**

**Word Prompt: **Blind

Edward did not look at me the whole night.

I ate Esme's lasagna- Edward's favorite. I laughed at Emmet's jokes, even the knock knock ones. I spoke when spoken to. But mostly I just reacquainted myself with how it felt to be ignored by Edward Cullen. Either I did not exist or he was blind where I was concerned. I was just sixteen, going to be seventeen soon, and people ignoring me should be an everyday thing; but I was a very odd sixteen year old and Edward and I had a long history.

In that long history, he had never ignored me as completely as he was doing at that moment- even when things had been at their worst. I wondered why he felt the need to be worse to me; it had been two years and I had not done anything new to add to his dislike of me. But then I reminded myself to not wonder. There had been too much wondering; I had agonized far too much over the purpose of a glance, a word, a smile, or what he might be saying with his silence and his absence. The least I could do was to stop focusing on him and focus on myself. I owed myself that, at least that.

I tried to enjoy the food and made more of an attempt to connect with Rose and Emmet. They were planning to get married. I had known that but it became real when I saw them holding hands and making plans to have the wedding in Forks. Alice was beside herself. The only thing Alice loved more than a wedding was a double wedding. Alice just might rush Jasper and marry him before he knew it, just to plan a double wedding. I stifled a laugh and felt Edward glace my way. But Esme called me and I looked at her instead.

She was telling Emmet about my recent award. Esme loved that she was the one who uncovered my talent for photography; in fact, she bought me my first camera. I just smiled and hid behind my hair. Edward coughed and Esme handed him his glass of water. He had his sleeves rolled up and I could see his hands were much stronger than before. His fingers made the glass appear small and fragile. I looked away, imagining Alice holding up a sigh saying 'Abort! No hand watching!' and waving it in front of me. She would. If she knew I was watching.

"Bella, you are a photographer? Really?" It was Lauren and I wondered why the fact would be so surprising to her or why she would find it the least bit interesting.

"Yes, I take photographs," I answer cautiously. "Not that I am great at it or anything."

I thought I saw Edward's hand tighten on his glass of water.

Lauren seemed blissfully oblivious to the tension and carried on asking me silly questions. Alice was right. She was very irritating and rude and not at all the kind of girl I would imagine Edward being with. And I had imagined Edward with many people. All of them different from me.

I pretended to take a huge bite so I could avoid more questions. Alice asked Lauren about her nail polish and I was safely left to my own musings.

The first day I met Edward Cullen I was ten and he was three years older. I had never seen anything shinier. I thought he was exactly what I had wished for and that lead me to conclude, so so naively that I was perfect for him too.

_I sat on the swing while Charlie explained to the Cullens about how my mother had arrived announced and left me and my three pieces of luggage in his care, indefinitely. I was just as surprised as him. Charlie had tried to sugar coat it but he didn't know me enough to know I knew a lot about adult things. Rene did not talk to me much but she was always on the phone with someone. Even at ten years I knew the world wasn't so nice._

_I heard the kids come home. They were laughing and shouting at each other. There were three. Huge boy, Pixie girl, and a boy with hair like coins in a wishing well – I didn't have a name for him. His hair was wet, his white T-shirt was clinging to him. _

_Huge Boy picked up Pixie and shook her until she started yelling. The other boy shook his golden head and threw the ball at Huge Boy's back _

_They all looked so happy and whole together. I felt strange watching them. I looked down at my sensible shoes, the one Esme bought for me saying Forks was a no nonsense place and that it was pointless to wear anything pretty in Forks anyway. She had many things to say on the subject of shoes. _

_For some reason I felt like crying. I did not cry when Charlie told me my Mother had left. He said she didn't want a sad goodbye and had left me a gift instead. I had not cried when I felt so lonely in my new room that I started drawing an angel to be with me always. _

_The tears pooled in my eyes and I gripped the rope tighter. I didn't know why I was crying. I never cry. Rene never noticed when I cried. _

_I felt some one sit beside me on the ground. I wanted to run. _

_"__Hi," he patted my knees trying to get my attention. " I am Edward."_

_It was him. _

_ " __Bella," I murmured looking at him through a curtain of tears. And for some reason unknown to me, I looked at him with all the sadness of my tiny life. And as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he reached up and wiped away the two fat tears falling down my cheeks._

_I had a name for him- Angel_

While I was helping Esme with the washing up, it started raining heavily. The sound was soothing and Esme was wonderful company. For a moment I forgot the gaping hole in my chest. Well, maybe not a gaping hole, just a really badly healed wound. Nothing a bit of dragon skin couldn't heal.

Alice and Carlisle love the sound of rain so much that Esme had designed a special rain room for them. She made an extension to the living room, overlooking the private playground and the three cherry blossom trees beyond it. The rain room had large window which could be opened to let the sound in but keep the water out. The floor was almost covered with mats and blankets Alice and I use when we would spend the night here.

I knew I would spend the night at the house. Esme would not let me out in such a storm. I wondered how Edward would react to me being around. I should make my visits fewer while he was visiting. He was home after two years; there is no need to make everyone uncomfortable. I had made my appearance and maybe Alice could visit me at my place for a while…with Rose and Emmet.

Alice opened the huge windows. The rain sounded amazing but it was a bit cold. I felt the cold more than the Cullens and Alice waited patiently until I was covered in my white uicorn blanket – a gift from her- before looking at me expectantly.

I wanted to say something funny but it was Alice and she knew things.

" It was weird seeing him. Too much memories, Alice. He is too connected to me. What am I going to do?"

Alice looked like she wanted to say something but listened to me until I was spent. I listened to the rain with her until reluctantly, my eyes closed.

I knew I'd dreamed of him.


	3. Chapter 3 Truce

**A/N: My first fanfiction kiss!Don't worry I don't plan to make an announcement for each 'first'. Yes, she is 16 ( a very mature 16 and he is 19 now)**

**Twilight is not mine and I don't have a Beta. Sorry for the mistakes.**

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_It was hot. The room was spinning. Edward's weight pushed me to the bed, his head buried in my neck._

_"I love how your smell, so soft," he groaned._

_He cradled my neck with both hands as he trailed his tongue and lips along my ear, my jaw, collarbone and the bit of skin above my tank top. That was the edge of Edward Territory. He would not claim anymore. No matter how much I redrew the lines. He wouldn't go forward but he would go slow; slow wet kisses followed by his warm breath that would make me tremble._

_"Edward. Please!" My plea was useless as usual. He lifted his head up and kissed the corner of my mouth. I grabbed his hair and tried to kiss him the way I wanted._

_"Bella slow down." He pulled back slightly and put his palm on top of my heart. I stared at him willing him to see what my heart was telling him._

_"Fine!" He seemed angry as he sat up, grabbed my hands and pulled me into his arms. His arms trapped me completely. Yes, this was what I wanted. For him to decide for me._

_With one hand he held my body to his, with the other he grabbed my hair and kissed me, mouth open, hard. His tongue tasted the inside of my lips for the first time. And he groaned, his mouth moving against me furiously, a hand holding my jaw firmly to him. Never let me go._

_I stood inside that kiss like I would stand in the rain under the stupid cherry blossom trees. Absorbing everything. My lips and my heart were on fire but finally on the same page. He finally wanted me the way I needed him to._

I woke up in a panic and looked around. Alice was snoring softly. It was still raining. And somewhere close, Edward was there.

I felt raw and exposed, like my skin was disappearing. Stupid dream.

I sat up and rubbed my face. I wasn't rested at all. What a terrible way to wake up! The dream had been a collage of my cherished memories and my unfulfilled wishes. A Frankenstein of living and dead things. Uugh!

I used the bathroom downstairs. My things would be in Alice's bathroom because Alice had cleaned up the guest room for Lauren. Alice's room was right next to Edward's and I did not want to go anywhere near there in case I run into Lauren sneaking out of Edward's room. With sex hair.

It should not matter. But it somehow did. A lot. And by now I knew it was pointless to understand why.

I went to make coffee. My mug was red, with a silver unicorn - a gift from Alice again. My unicorn phase was long and Alice ..well, Alice went a bit mad and got me every single unicorned thing she laid her eyes on. Corny. I snickered as I made coffee with milk and a little sprinkle of cinnamon.

I heard someone enter the kitchen. From the silence I knew it was him. Damned dream invader. I wasn't about to let him push me out of the kitchen.

I turned around and without looking up, sat down at the table. It was my ritual. Coffee and Esme's almond cookies. I reached for the jar.

Edward made a cup and sat down next to me. I knew he was looking at me. I didn't want to think about what he was thinking. Probably why I looked like I Oscar the grouch.

He sat down in the next chair. The space was suddenly small and warm. I could imagine his long legs stretched out and his fingers resting on his thighs. He always did that. Edward at rest.

"Bella," his voice was soft, rough, 'Lauren is gone.'

"Oh," I looked up but couldn't think of anything else to say.

I should say something like "Why the hell are you telling me?" But I didn't say it. He must have a good reason for opening with this.

"She came uninvited." He went on. It seemed like it was hard to say this. His hand was now clenched right next to mine. A few inches away. If I reached out my pinky I could touch him.

I sipped the coffee to keep myself occupied.

Comprehension dawned on me after a while. He did not want me let me think he brought a girl , here, now. Before we'd had a chance to clear the mess from two years ago.

" Thank you," I said. "For telling me, I mean."

He cleared his throat. "I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. About ….anything."

I sat up straight. Did he just warn me off?

" I get it," I said tightly. "You are home for holidays. You explained about Lauren to be kind." I thought that was very mature of me.

"No, you don't get it, ." his voice was flat. He then looked straight at me. "I am not going back. At least not for a long time."

What the Bloody Lady Lovelylocks! I sprayed coffee everywhere. Edward's hands, on the cookie jar and Esme's lovely table cloth. He can't stay. This was a painful sprint not a marathon. I couldn't do that kind of long time.

I tried to wipe the cookie jar, his hands.

He stopped my hand on him. "I got it Bella."

I probably looked like one of those anime characters. With an exclamation mark above my head and huge sweat beads stuck on my forehead and a dark cloud hanging above my fizzy hair.

Fuck my life. I touched him. Even with a tissue, I touched him. Stupid Bella.

"What about college?" I muttered. He just couldn't hang around Forks.

"Distance courses. Some time off.. Haven't figured it out yet."

"Oh," I felt doomed. I couldn't tolerate seeing him everyday.

He didn't say anything after that. I wondered if this unexpected, strange conversation was over. I stood up. I had to go figure out what I would do. Maybe move to Alaska.

"I am sorry you know," he sighed. "For how things ended. For what a bastard I was. Maybe ..we can talk about it later. Right now can we just… let's just…." He trailed off and looked at me gauging my reaction.

I nodded. He would get no fight from me on this. I want things to be smooth. If he can be this nice, I can keep a lid on my drama.

Alice walked in and raised an eyebrow. It was a cozy scene - me having coffee with Edward. I gave her a reassuring smile and told her I'd come by later. She nodded trying to hide her smile and look casual.

Silly Pixie! Who was she fooling? It was my seventeenth birthday tomorrow. Alice would want a party. From her calm facade I knew it must be a 12 a.m surprise party. Hated those things but I could be pleasantly surprised if it would make Alice happy.

I looked back one more time at Edward. He was smiling at Alice. And she was smiling back at him. I left the house with the dark cloud over my head considerably less in size.

**Please review. Next chapter in a day or so. **


	4. Chapter 4- kiss me better

**A/N: OK, to clear things up a bit: Edward and Bella met she was 10 and he was 13. Later they had a bit of a thing. She was hurt. He left. And he is now back. We don't know why.**

**This chapter is in EPOV. Hope you like it.**

**Twilight is not mine and I don't have a Beta. Sorry for the mistakes.**

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EPOV

Jasper had picked the perfect spot for camping. There was a small clearing on the side of the mountain. The view was amazing. All I could see were the rolling mountains that made different layers against the sky. Everything was still. I felt like time had stopped for a while.

Bella was sitting on a blanket outside the tent that she and Alice were sharing. She wasn't the little girl he knew. She had grown up, in every way.

The weirdest thing was - she did not need me. She was cautious and a bit sad around me; but as Alice said, she was 'handling' everything just fine. She was fine if I spoke to her or not. She was fine if I comforted her or not.

I felt like I'd been purged of many sins and relieved of many duties. I could just _be_ for a while. The others wouldn't understand. Bella's torment was visible. Mine, not so much. Besides, I hadn't explained anything to anyone. I didn't know what Bella had told them.

Anyway, I was happy she had moved on.

She was smiling now, watching Jasper and Alice dance. Esme and Carlisle were dancing too.

I would have asked her to dance but I was pretty sure it would wipe that smile right off her face. _Yeah Asshole. She is with people who make her happy. You stay away from her._

I remembered the first time I made Bella cry. Not the kind of thing you forgot. It would forever be etched in my memory and be part of out history. Something I could never take back.

_Bella was 12 years and going through a hard time at school. She hated everything about it, but above all she hated her personal tormentor Jessica Stanely._

_It was lunch period and Bella was walking to our table with a heavy tray. As she was passing what Alice called the Bitchy Bunch Table, I saw Jessica Stanely start to laugh at her._

_"Hey Blah! I mean Bella! Too bad you can't convert all that food into boobs." She said really loudly. Bella faltered by tried to walk around the table but she somehow tripped on Jessica's chair and her tray fell. On Jessica._

_"You bitch. You did that on purpose," Jessica spat, wiping her hair and jeans. Bella didn't say anything. Jessica just lost it and pushed her. Slipping on the food, Bella fell. She cried out my name._

_"No one wants you Swan. That is why your mother left you. That is why no guy looks at you. And that is why you are on the floor being laughed at."_

_By the time we got past the gathering crowd, Bella had heard enough poison. Emmet helped Bella up and I turned to Jessica. In spite of my rage I did not yell at her._

_"If you ever," I glared at her so she knew how serious I was, " If you ever hurt her I'll make sure you are not around."_

_I took Bella to our place to change. She didn't want to tell Charlie and she had a lot of clothes at our place anyway._

_She was silent on the way but she never cried. She hated crying._

_"Should I have hit her Edward?" she asked suddenly._

_"What? No! No fighting in the school," I said. But she had seen me and Emmet get in to fights at school. " And er girls don't fight."_

_"I wanted to hit her. Right in the chest. A big hard kick." She looked so cute with her little fists. I laughed and gave her a small hug. Poor Jessica. Emmet had taught Bella how to punch and kick._

_Luckily no one was home. Bella was in Alice's room. I went up to check if she was OK and found her wrapped in a towel looking at herself in the huge mirror on Alice's wall._

_"Bella?"_

_"My mother said I look like a drowned rat most of the time." Her voice was flat._

_Shit!_

_"She said it was pointless to buy me anything…girly"_

_I couldn't stand it. I just pulled her into my arms. She hardly ever spoke of her mother. Jessica must have triggered it. She wound her arms around my neck and reached up. I held her up; she was such a little thing. She did not bring her legs around me like she used to. She just buried her face in my neck._

_"Edward"_

_"Hmm"_

_"You are a guy."_

_I chuckled._

_"Am I….am I that…?" She couldn'task me but I knew._

_I tried to look at her but she gripped me tight, hiding._

_"I think you are very pretty Bella. Don't listen to her. She is probably jealous that Newton likes you."_

_Instead of being excited about Newton as I expected, she pulled back to look at me as if searching for something._

_Then she just pressed her lips to mine, her eyes wide, looking into mine._

_I gasped and her lips trembled. She was taking in little breaths. She didn'tpull back and gave me little soft pecks as if she was figuring out how to kiss._

_Bella was kissing me._

_And I was not kissing her back._

_This was her first kiss. And shiiiiiiiiiiiit!_

_"Bella," I stroked her cheek with my thumb. "This is your first kiss. Are you sure you want to…"_

_She nodded. She was still looking at me. I could feel her heart racing. Hell, I thought my heart would stop._

_I was terrified of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. But she was my best friend. She was hurting. I could do this for her if she needed me to._

_I lowered my head and pressed my lips to hers, giving her little pecks like she'd given me. She wound her legs around me. But this time, with her lips on mine, the old habit felt different._

_She pulled back a little. Just enough to breathe and wet her lips with her tongue. I saw that up close. Fuck._

_I was going to put her down but then but she touched her lips to mine again. They were wet and warm and they molded to me. I opened my mouth and tasted her bottom lip. She moaned. She tasted so good. Like cinnamon and honey._

_Her eyes finally fluttered close. She sucked on my top lip, hard, frantic._

_"Edward…. Please." Strangely it was her plea that stopped me from going on. I felt like the biggest fucking jerk. She was upset and I was going to…_

_She took a step back, stricken. Her hand was on her mouth. The towel had slipped and I could see her chest. Bella looked down and gave out a strangled cry, grasping to trying to cover herself._

_I got myself out on unsteady legs. What did I do to Bella? How could I think of her like that? Charlie would kill me. And Carlisle and Esme oh God! And Emmet would definitely beat my ass. And I'd let him._

_I waited for her downstairs and when she didn'tcome down I went up._

_She was fully dressed to go to school but she was lying down on the bed, curled up and crying. I thought of calling Esme but for some reason I didn't._

_I just got on the bed and held her to my chest until she fell asleep._

I shook my head to clear the memories of her anguished sobs.

Jasper and Emmet came to stand next to me. They were looking at me funny. And then I saw. Jacob Black. He'd joined the party.

"You guys here for his protection or mine?" I even smiled. If only they knew. I _wanted_ Bella to date the fucker.

"Alice sent me," Emmet said. "She is paying me with especial pancakes."

"And you don't want to know what she is paying me with." Jasper grinned.

I shoved him. Ass.

Alice looked at us worriedly. No, Alice, I'm not beating up Jasper. You can relax and enjoy the party.

Jacob gave her a present which she quickly opened. It was a book. She excitedly hugged him. Fucker would know what books she wanted. I think I snarled.

Jasper was laughing softly. I glared at him.

"He is a good guy Edward."

"I know."

"Oh good then. He is coming over.' Jasper snickered.

Jacob walked over to us.

"Edward"

"Jacob"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Emmet and Jasper left us alone and walked over to Alice. I sighed. There must be a method to this madness.

"Listen I need to talk to you." Jacob looked towards Bella.

I nodded.

He seemed hesitant. " When you left, Bella and I dated."

I knew that.

"But it never felt right," he said looking like her might burst out of his skin or something. " I don't know why I am telling you this. But she was and is my friend. I want her to be happy."

"Just spit it out Jacob," I growled. The old fear was back. Something disastrous was going to happen and I wouldn't be able to control it.

"Bella never kissed me. We dated for more than a year but she wouldn't kiss me."

"Didn't you try?" What the fuck?

"I tried Cullen," he spat. "But she would sit like a statue waiting for me to stop trying. It was her one condition.

"More than an year?" It was unbelievable.

"We _did_ do other things. Most things…."

Bloody fucking hell, stop! I wiped my face with both hands. It was that or punch him.

"Why are you telling me this Black?" I did not want to know this shit.

"Because you broke her.' He glared at me. "You! And I couldn't fix her." He was getting louder. I wondered if there was a small chance of me getting through this evening without hitting him.

The two jokers came back. Were they in bouncer training? Emmet took Jasper away talking about a visit to Billy. Jasper stayed with me.

I saw Jacob nod to Alice. What the fuck?

"What was that?" Jasper asked.

"That was _your _girlfriend driving me to violence. I am going for a fucking smoke."

I was trembling when I lit the cigarette.

After the disastrous first kiss we never mentioned it. We easily slipped into the role of best friends again and everything was the same until her thirteenth birthday.

Why would Bella not want to kiss? It was her favorite thing, what made her the happiest.

**Well, now you know a bit about why Edward is the way he is. I like him. It must have been hard for him with Bella being so young and sensitive. Let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5- Growing, painfully slowly

A/N: Yes, three years doesn't seem like a big difference. But the problem is when Bella is 12 and Edward is 15, the age difference becomes a bit more significant, especially when they share the kiss. Her 13th birthday was very close though. And in this chapter she is thirteen but not much wiser ;). A few more chapters will show them growing up. After that it will be mostly grown up Bella.

No Beta. No claim on Twilight.

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Chapter 5- Growing, painfully slowly

_Bells Swan, thirteen years and one kiss old. It was monumental. For me, at least._

_I looked the same I knew, but I felt that with one amazing tick of the clock, I'd been completely altered._

_I was a teenager just like Edward!_

_Granted I still did not have the right kind of boobs and was not in the same league as Jessica or Lauren, I was __**thirteen **__and it was… something. It was a good something._

_Esme had baked a cake for me- apple and cinnamon. But that was all I let them do. I hated big parties. They had a way of ….going very wrong. _

_So, no parties. Just a cake and everyone…and Edward._

_Edward was not there when we had cut the cake. I would have waited but I didn't want everyone to make a big deal out of it. _

_I was in Rain Room, playing scrabble with Emmet and Alice, when I felt his presence. He opened the door and I felt like I was about to burst with equal amounts of joy and apprehension. Suddenly too shy, I just bent my head and pretended to be engrossed in my letter tray. I wanted him to look at me, my spaghetti strap dress, my new earrings- a gift from Alice, because every girl should have a butterfly studs – but I didn't want him to know how much I needed his eyes on me. _

_He sat opposite me and I saw him shove Alice, making her fall on the blanket. I giggled and relaxed. He was my Edward. _

_He looked over at me and smiled, his warm gaze making me tingle. _

_He always looked good to me but he was wearing my favorite things- white shirt with blue jeans, and his hair was a bit wet and darker in color- and I had trouble tearing my eyes away from him. I could see his arms- lean muscles and just a bit of hair. After a while, I slapped myself mentally, and tried not to be so obvious._

_Watching them joke around, I waited patiently until we got our moment alone. I knew he would find me. He always took extra care with me during birthdays, saying that it was his way of celebrating my existence. When I was eleven, he bought me a bike so that I could join them for rides. The next year he bought me basketball and then spent ages on the private court, teaching me how to play – he had heard how much the others teased me at gym. _

_When the sun was setting, I went out to the porch with a cup of mint tea. Edward came to stand beside me and took a sip from my cup. He never really drank tea but for some reason he always wanted a sip of mine. I turned to him and grinned like an idiot- probably because I was having idiot thoughts like 'lucky lucky cup of mint tea'._

_He kept the cup on the table and rested his back against the short wall protecting Esme's flowers. It was just tall enough that Edward could stretch his arms out and rest them on it. His head dropped back, and his eyes closed. He seemed so tired._

_I stood there awkwardly, fighting the urge to go sooth his soft frown. _

_"Long day?" I asked, drawing close so I could see his eye lashes flutter._

_"Yes, the longest. Dad gave me a lecture too."_

_"About?"_

_"You don't want to know Bella." He smirked a bit. _

_Suddenly, as if he had just remembered something, he opened his eyes and straightened a bit._

_"It's your birthday." His smile was brilliant. " Come here."_

_He drew me in for a hug and I leaned into him._

_"Happy birthday Bella." He murmured._

_His hands were low on my waist, holding me protectively. I wound my hands around his neck and reached up. Laughing, he held me up. _

_His laughter did things to me and for some mad, dangerous reason, I acted without thinking; I had to rub my nose on his neck breath in very loudly. I would never forget what he smelled like. If I had to describe it, I would say he was like basil, rain, love and home. His smell, his warmth and the rightness of the moment enveloped me, but I knew the exact moment he stiffened and tried to draw back to see my face. _

_I let him see. For once, I let him see everything. I held his eyes and tightened the grip I had on his neck. I knew he could see my longing for him in my eyes, my blush. He was seeing my dreams, desires, my trembling lips and my worries. He was seeing my absolute trust._

_His green eyes darkened and with a soft sigh he lowered his eyes and let go of my waist. A wild panic rose in me knowing he was drawing back from me….from everything. I had to do something – I couldn't find the courage to kiss him – but I had to do something to stop him from leaving me._

_Desperate, I grabbed his shirt, just above his heart. _

_He looked up sharply at me and then stared at my hand for the longest time._

_I felt a bit dizzy and started breathing hard. Wanting to say something I looked at him but when he very slowly looked up me at me, the look in his eyes made me freeze.. He had never looked at me like that. _

_He swallowed and slowly lowered his head. His lips touched mine for just a heartbeat. And then he kissed my cheek near my ear._

_" Bella," his voice was controlled. "I can't be what you need me to be. I am going to go away. For the holidays."_

_I didn't say anything. Couldn't. But I did remove my hands from his person. Having completely humiliated myself, I could not bring myself to meet his eyes again. My limbs felt heavy as if I was slowly turning to soft stone. Shame and sadness made me clench my fists and stand in front of him as if awaiting punishment. I was exactly what Rene thought of me. A disgrace. A thing without grace. _

_"You should spend time with boys your own age." He said taking one step back from me. _

_I nodded automatically, looking at the blue sandals Esme had bought me. I didn't deserve them._

_ It was goodbye. Edward was saying goodbye. No sobs escaped but I was breaking apart. Things I had hidden away were coming to surface._

_" And for God's sake, don't offer yourself to some idiot." He was so loud and I cringed. That harsh sound was the final blow that unleashed everything in my hidden box. But at the bottom of the box was something I had stored for such a day as that. A little bit of quiet strength._

_I held on to that strength and took in a shuddering breath. That one breath was enough and it settled into my lung, heart and skin and kept me from breaking into pieces. _

_"Goodbye Bella." _

_He walked away. He did stop once to look back at me but then he kept walking and disappeared. _

_I stood there for a long time._

_Thirteen years and two kisses old. Minus one best friend. _

_When I came home, I found Edward's gift. A journal with a beautiful golden cover. And a bunch of orchids. _

The days that followed were very quiet. I wrote in the journal and watched the orchid's fall of the stem, one by one. Things were being rearranged inside me. It took fifteen days for all of them to fall. On the fifteenth day, I threw the dead flowers and went about living life without Edward Cullen.

He was never my best friend after that. I would have hated him – if I had been capable of it – because he had **known.** That was what the look had meant - goodbye. He had knowingly put an end to us. That hurt the most.

Edward came back a few days before school started, looking more grown up.

Emmet joked that Edward left a boy and came back a tanned, brooding man. There were stories of many girls. I did not listen.

He was even smoking. Never in front of Esme but Carlisle knew. He spent more and more time with Carlisle and his new friend Jasper, distancing himself from Alice, Emmet and me.

Just like before, he was polite and considerate to me, but the bond between us had died, and Edward made sure I knew not to seek him out. I did not even want to; he was no longer the boy I knew.

Emmet and Alice stepped in to fill the void left by Edward. She was my best friend and he was the protector of my virtue. Not that it needed protecting; I did hangout with some boys, but with them, I never forgot I was just thirteen, just a stupid kid.

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What did you think? Next chapter will be in Edward's perspective. Leave me some love. I love hearing what you think? Is there anything particular you want to see?


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